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Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Those What if Days

Last Friday I changed my cover photo from one of our sweet Brea babe to a photo of Steven and I.

My eyes filled with tears.

Loss of dog

Yep something as simple and superficial as changing a photo on Facebook … but it made me feel like I was saying goodbye again, it made me feel like I would forget about her because she wasn't on my FB profile.

Silly right?!

german shepherd

Silly or not it felt like very real guilt, like she was sitting in doggie heaven looking at me with those puppy eyes saying "don't you want me there anymore" {I over analyze things and pretend my dead dog is watching me - don't judge}

I knew changing my photo wouldn't make me forget her but there was that tug on my heart that made that day just a little harder. In loss and grief there are days that are easier than others and then there are those like last week when I was reminded of what could have been - and the days that we try and live in the "could have beens" with the "what ifs" those are the hardest days!

german shepherd




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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

That Rainy June Friday Afternoon

I still consider June 2012 one of the worst months ever. It is coming upon one year now and although time doesn’t heal all wounds it does make each day a little easier.

My husband (fiancĂ© at the time) and I really wanted a dog and not just any dog we wanted a purebred German Shepherd. Steve’s family has always had German Shepherds, when Steve and I started dating, Toby was the lovely pup who graced the farm and after he passed we always knew we needed another Shepherd on the farm.

We knew we wanted a puppy because we wanted to be the main influence in our dog’s life and all the blame could be put on us for whatever bad habits he picked up {which wouldn’t be any, our dog would be perfect right?!}. After many internet searches and deciding that sending a dog via airplane was not what we wanted to do to our new ‘baby’, we found a breeder in Western ND and couldn’t wait for the road trip.

The litter was due in August of 2012 and we had a deposit down on a boy {praying there was a boy}. August 19th the fluffy little bunch was born, 2 boys and 4 girls! Steve and I were so excited and couldn’t wait until October to go pick up our little guy.

On October 16th it was time for our 750 mile round trip to pick up Gunner. He was perfect in every way {love at first sight} and he did an amazing job on the long car ride home!



I could tell Gunner had a big personality right away, I laughed at him all the time. He was so easy to train and even though we didn't plan on him being a house dog at least we taught him early on that you don't pee and poop in the living room! 


Photo by Milestones Photography

As much as I wanted him to be a momma's boy he was definitely Steve's baby. With me being at work all day and Steve working on the farm him and Gunner were attached at the hip. Gunner was Steve's tractor buddy amongst other things and anytime Steve had a few beers Gunner got to come sleep with us; spoiled little thing I think he forced Steve to drink so he could hog the bed! 





He was our Pride and Joy and we both loved him to pieces. If you noticed I'm using past tense and that is because Gunner is no longer with us. 

June 1, 2012. 
I will never forget that rainy Friday when Steve called me at work and told me that Gunner was dead. I don't think a person is ever prepared to hear that type of bad news. Knowing full-well we live in the country I thought for sure he was hit by a vehicle, even though he had gotten really good at staying in the yard and not chasing passing traffic. That is an outcome I could have handled more than the actual one; Gunner wasn't hit by a car but instead shot point blank in the head. << Sorry for that picture but in actuality there isn't a good way to sugarcoat this story. This wasn't an accident and I know 'hate' is a strong word but I hate the person who did this to our poor sweet puppy and even more I hate that there is nothing law enforcement could have done even if they knew who killed him. To this day we still don't know who took our Gunner from us but I just pray they aren't doing this for fun because it is sick and wrong and I don't wish this feeling of loss upon anyone. Anyone who has {or ever had} a pet knows they become your family.


My last photo of Gunner

I will admit I am now jealous of people with old dogs knowing that we didn't even get to spend a year with Gunner. Thinking back and reminiscing though those were definitely 7 of the happiest months with my fiancĂ© and our puppy. I miss that 'little' guy so much but look forward to the day when we begin the search for our next German Shepherd. 






Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

-Roger Caras 












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